we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

But I just watched this documentary on ecstasy users whose brains were literally rotting away (Ah!!! Malarky. lets_be_honest However, hey, feel free to pretend its still 2000 BC. FireStar Life is unfair. I dont know why you dont understand that people think this guy is a scum, because he has said that he is going to be a deadbeat dad, and is pretty much taking no responsibility for what happened. But the woman needs to be prepared to accept his involvement as strictly financial. How quickly (or slowly) he got into a new relationship after your breakup. These are not discussions about angels dancing on the head of a pin there is a child that needs financial support during his/her life. This is the set up for some serious melodrama. He didn't marry you. She Left Me.PRANK WARS - BF VS GFWatch until. Always follow your gut and your instincts. bittergaymark The carpenter asks his brother to impregnate his wife via IVF using the carpenters sperm. April 9, 2012, 12:49 pm. And the man? We only have sex if were ready to be a father? Is this Twilight, for Gods sake? Whatever happened to you to make you hate women doesnt have to mean a lifetime of whiny bitterness. Why does anyone think they have a say in whether a woman aborts or keeps her child? Or, she may have seemed supportive during the relationship, but . Instead, the LW seems to validate and support his furor, demands of an abortion, etc. If they do, he is obligated to support the child. Posted Over 1 Month. CollegeCat We need to rebuild our trust, but I cant trust the situation because he cheated on me with her. Let this be a learning lesson for everyone male and female. But I agree no one should tell anyone what they can and cant do with their own bodies. Adoptive parents are as capable as any others of deciding that having a child isnt right for them, that they werent as prepared for it as they thought, and that the child isnt really theirs, and theyre as likely to have other major negative events in their lives as anyone. lets_be_honest The primary relationship in someones life is allowed to (and should) remain the primary relationship, even after the later appearance of children. Well technically for me it was the way he reacted to his potential child and nothing about the way he treated the LW or the woman in the letter. Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. You are indiscriminate in your partner choice and/or birth control? Well, they dont entirely disregard fairness to the mother and/or father, but the childs interests take precedent. Sue Jones Dont like the consequences? April 9, 2012, 4:39 pm. lets_be_honest You should be furious with him and dump his ass! Women dont have to choose between the two both are within their purview. Months after we broke up, he would come and go as he pleased. 1. My sister has 3 birth control babies. I knew, but loved him so much, forgave him & said wed give each other some space, but when I gave that space, he just went on ahead & made this lady pregnant. Just like we trust people when they say they got tested? Would you tell the parents that you would gladly pay for the funeral, but you want nothing else to do with what happened, and that you are going to go live your life like nothing did? At which point, no matter what form the chastisement comes, feminists are going to be looking for REAL men..and not finding them. 17. Shed be less of a real woman if she left the kid on its fathers doorstep and went off footloose and fancy-free while he was left to raise it all alone. If the father is ready to accept 100% responsibility for his actions and keep the child, but the woman, not ready for motherhood, wants to abort the child and move on, what do we call this woman? I can assume, at age 40, this man may not want to have children ever, but he knows how babies are made. I hope the LW takes note of the fact that Amandas comment currently has 61 likes. However, not once did I say anything like what youre implying. You may love and care for this man and attack the other women all day long, but at the end of the day, you do not have a relationship and nothing has changed. Hes decided on what hes going to do, and it does not involve you. Your statement that she would not allow him to see his kids indicate that he has more than one child. It is my biggest pet peeve when a woman blames the other woman for her boyfriends stupid actions. These Are The 5 Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship. While youre at it make sure to pop out a few more kids yourself, too. Furthermore, what adult man refuses to have a relationship wit a child he conceived. I just personally get outraged that this is the case: that he would have to pay support regardless, but that she can opt out of it. Because the woman in question has to take on being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth, etc. If the woman doesnt want the child, she has that option. Because she accidentally got pregnant with his child? You may not agree with it, but the laws are such that he is obligated to raise the possible resulting child and/or pay for that child for a couple of decades, if she decides not to terminate the pregnancy. And we dont really know that she actually said shes on the pill or if she is indeed really pregnant or if the lw truly wants him to go off and marry the other woman. Paraphrased of course. Abortion is a very personal choice and whether or not this woman chooses to have one is entirely HER business. No one has a condom, Lady says Its cool, Im on the pill and Dude says awesome, I already took my Viagra anyway, cant really run to the store. They bone. and our BUT. This is your CHILD. Exactly; he sounds like a total loser, and how the hell would she ever be able to trust him going forward? Find someone without baggage. You deserve better. I dont think the LW can handle a relationship where another woman has her mans child. Believe it or not, but a bedpartner with a scintillating personality is not a prerequisite for the male orgasm: its possible to have and enjoy sex with somebody who you nevertheless regard as entirely obnoxious and devoid of LTR potential. Even if you had a vasectomy. And I would believe him that he has no interest in her other than convenience. You sound like one of those pro-lifers who are always compelling women to do things against their will. I dont think she should have any sort of legal say about the decision to keep the baby, but I dont think shes committing some horrendous crime for judging it. SpaceySteph Dont let him use you because his life is in chaos now. Of course my opinion of her is based on the story he is telling you. This week she contacted him to say she was pregnant. He can bang the neighbor, the lunch lady, and his friendly neighborhood bartenderwhoever. Wrong. Im not a woman hater happily married for 15 years, and I love my mother, my sister and even my mother-in-law. Clearly it is horribly wrong to lie about that but thats not the argument here. I know Im stretching here, but I dont know whats causing all this rancor, RR, but its surely not just the letter. all the time i thought so until 1 faithful day, i got pregnant. Whats your personal experience with forced fatherhood, no say over an abortion or crippling child support? Your constant blatant disregard for others is increasingly more and more shocking Plus it is only the heteros that are so steadfast and determined to keep fucking people like me over and over All the while, claiming they want smaller government Then get the FUCK out of my bedroom and out of my fucking life. If it is his child, he owes the child at least something. Thats precisely the incentive structure feminism (and the paternity laws that followed) have created. . Again, not unusual, and since the LW and the guy were broken up, the LW has no claim to what the guy could do after the breakup. female The timing was exactly right. Is it 100% fair to men or women? sorry lbh this actually doesnt have anything to do with your comment, i agree with you. Oh, may be you should marry him and fantasize what kind of fun he is having whenever hes late coming home, or fearful he would leave you when you, like that woman, passed 40; or be told to get rid of your baby who is inconvenient to him. Imagine that you get to design a law that will allow fairness no matter which of these happens. Friends of mine who were raised largely by their mothers but had to deal with their irresponsible, alcoholic fathers who dropped in and out of their lives whenever it pleased them did far more emotional damage to their children than my lack of having a father did to me. But dont be surprised if he gets slapped with child support responsibilities b/c he couldnt be responsible enough to prevent pregnancy it takes two. Thats all I can really offer. In the long run, US ends up with what I like to refer to as the Feminist Mystake. The last time I checked it took more than one person to make a baby. You know as well as I do that the law is gender biased in effect in not in letter. April 10, 2012, 12:45 pm. Of course we have a right to an opinion, even if our opinion is that dirty sluts shouldnt breed. April 9, 2012, 10:34 pm. So society got together and decided that the biological parents owe a duty of monetary support to children the create. This guy, you can most definitely live without. A condoms like 50 cents. just as she has the responsibility not to lie. It doesnt have to toss a ball with you to help with your rehab or take pictures of you with your new arm. The waiter has no idea that she has a severe allergy to peanuts, so doesnt tell the kitchen to change gloves when preparing her meal. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. This is when we see rebound relationships. That my life revolves around this so called love of mine?? Im sorry, but sex creates children. My boyfriend and I lived in different states and after years together, my worst nightmare came true: he cheated on me and ended up having a baby with the other woman. Maybe she doesnt want the baby at all, but it seems the least unappealing choice to her in this scenario. Please do better. But thats a crime?. I have a really hard time believing that this guy who hates this woman and wants nothing to do with this child had a civil conversation with the baby mom discussing their options, while stating his preference for an abortion. Given that fact base, why wouldnt a woman who wanted a baby (but not a husband) entrap a suitable donor? Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? I told her if its not about the kids, dont text him. Fury at the woman he impregnated is misdirected. A real man steps up to be there for the baby, more than just money for the baby, and to be there for the mother even if he cant stand her. April 10, 2012, 11:43 am. For the love of all things holy are you deliberately obtuse or truly lacking in basic comprehension? The time prior to conception is the only time this can be anything close to fair. I think I said that about my boyfriend was I was about 15. female bittergaymark April 10, 2012, 10:14 pm, if a man has sex with a woman, they should be prepared to pay dearly for it for the rest of their lives. Iwannatalktosampson April 9, 2012, 11:40 am. I have been trying to have a rational conversation with people unfamiliar with reason. And throwing money at her only covers one part of that. April 10, 2012, 9:06 pm. Regardless of all my snark, I really hope that if the two of you stay together you dont take your aggravation about the situation out on the child. Now that that lesson is over do you have any other questions? pretty sure he is actually an extreme pro-lifer who is playing into his rhetoric backwards. Id rather him be honest and bow out now then be in and out or in as a lousy, forced parent. Let him deal with the consequences of his own actions without relying on you to rescue him. I assume from the debate that this has become a fact that was inferred due to the women being on birth control. The risk of pregnancy if something goes wrong broken condom, etc. landygirl Why isnt it fair of him to be angry? You are talking as if a decision to terminate a pregnancy is as easy as taking out the garbage, as if there are no consequences to it whatsoever. Imagine the following scenarios. Consider that this child should be the most important thing in his life, more important than you. We have been able to shield the kids from this at this point. I cant even imagine how a grown man can be deceived into impregnating someone. Plenty dont. Now I also believe that the LW is exposing herself to STDs not this guy, because she knows that he had unprotected sex with another women, and she still chooses to be with him either way. This was even more of a scandal in a small town in the 70s than it would have been today, but she decided to keep the baby. Not a double standard at all. First of all, it can take a bad psychological toll on someone who doesnt want to have it in the first place. Its easier just to blame her and act like hes an innocent victim, but hes not. evanscr05 Actually, the most powerful and damaging ever dont Gingrich, Cheney, Santorum, and Bush spring to mind. You are too funny John. Any complications from the abortion would be hers to bear, not his. Other times, breakups are not so obvious, and that can leave you questioning your decision. April 9, 2012, 3:57 pm. Youve given me a lot to think about in terms of my views on raising children that come out of short term flings and im appreciative for the insight. Anthony Leonson I would love to pil your brain on this, specifically how your mom handled discussing it with you if you would be Willing to share. The man should have no say on whether or not she keeps the baby but she should have a LOT of say over his finances for the next 18 years. He slept with his ex-fiancee once, and now she's pregnant. , CatsMeow Sure sure you have sex, theres always the possibility of a child. The guy has not opted out of a childs life. A Happy Life Francine she may well not be at all thrilled to be pregnant and not expecting anything from this guy. These are very common questions going through a guy's mind when he finds out his ex had a baby with someone else and now wants him back. Let him go. lets_be_honest You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape.. I find it absurd that there is a debate about this guys right to have unprotected sex as if its ever a good idea. Good. As others have said, arguably this is more denial and shock than actual fury. I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. How about equal right for, you know, everyone? Why, my God, you could have hit a chid running out in the street. I dont think I have ever seen so many thumbs up on one post And it deserves them! The kid isnt a rapist, the mother is. Sure. He wants nothing to do with his own child. After crying, talking, and crying a lot more, he left, and I closed the door behind him. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. For someone who cant stand a woman and does not want to have a child you think he would make slightly more responsibly decisions. Best of luck. So I have a pretty positive impression of my biological father. I see no reason why the mother in this scenario cannot be a great parent who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption [or only have one parent involved], SpaceySteph They look at it as their child, no matter who the mother is. bittergaymark Third, I weep for that child. Sigh. Your bf cant stop her from having the baby. I might disagree to a minor degree with some of your points although, re-reading your reply, I dont really think so but thats a great summary, and also completely out of place in this thread because its so rational. He basically put you out of his mind, then he wanted you to assume his guilt. John Rohan Hi guyssssss,I wanted to share a storytime video with you guys since it has a lot to do with the reason I moved to LA and a lot to do with who I am today!Sid. Lucky us. I get unsettled and frustrated whenever I see my ex girlfriend's photos on Facebook with her boyfriend and pictures of the ultrasound of their baby. April 10, 2012, 11:45 am. So while you were on a break he had unprotected sex with just her or other people too? And not because he deserved it for having possibly unprotected sex. He willingly engaged in sex (apparently without a condom) with a woman he knew for two minutes. Yet you are mad at the other women and not him? We judge what people wear (what on earth was she thinking?? Listen, people have sexcasuallyand sometimes with people they never hope to see again. I meant post living with HIV that as a correction in that I left the with HIV out of my previous post. As for not wanting anything to do with her or her child, Im guessing that is momentary anger directed at her, not the child. Then they want to fight for the loser like hes some sort of prize! But by that same logic, you must be prepared to call a woman who doesnt want to be a mom a scumbag for getting an abortion (in the instances the guy wants to keep it but that woman doesnt). I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can.. No interest in fatherhood? Drugs was just one theory to how she got that way. But theres a huge amount of anger here over the fact that he didnt, even though theres no statement by the LW either way. Youre wondering if he will marry her. He made his position very clear very early on. Offset Changes Instagram Avatar to Takeoff Photo After His Death. Coke didnt have to do anything wrong. April 10, 2012, 5:07 pm. Move on. She wants to live in a dorm with her friends and no way is she missing weeks of school to give birth.

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